First of all, excuse us for leaving so abruptly yesterday – we wanted to have a look at a property on our
way home and therefore needed to leave before it got dark.
Because our conversation was incomplete to my mind, I feel that you may have got the wrong
impression about my answer to your question as to whether I would have children again, given the
opportunity. I have been asked this a few times and my short and not-so-sweet answer yesterday was
the same as it has always been: “no”. I added that this is so without any reference at all to our children
because it is not they who have made me come to this conclusion.
After having expressed this and thought about it again, I would like to reformulate my point of view to
make things clearer: I do not regret having had our three sons but I do regret having put them on this
earth and, by so doing, having compelled them to live this existence that we call “life”. My former
formulation of not wanting to have any children any more if I were to be given the opportunity again
creates the impression that they somehow form part of that opinion, which is not the case at all. As a
matter of fact, I think that all three of them are doing a wonderful job at coping with all the challenges
life is throwing at them remarkably well and with extreme resilience (awful fashionable word but that is
the applicable word for the idea that I want to express).
The problem lies in the fact that I did not realise when we decided to have them that life, as we knew it
when we made the decision, would change in such a way that I would never be able to raise them to the
full myself as I had always envisioned I would, nor did I realise that the world would change in the way it
has (which is a point that we can discuss at some later stage if necessary or desirable). I realised that I,
for my part, had made a mistake to contribute to the decision to bring three children into this world
and, in a sense, compel them to live this life which, in my case, was living me instead of I it.
Then, about motherhood: motherhood (and grandmotherhood even more so) is a wonderful
experience. I just wish I’d had more of a chance to be a full-time mother.
A last point I want to make is that I have always felt that, as a mother and grandmother, I have always
tried to, and shall willingly and dutifully, help our children (including their partners) and provide them
with the assistance and support where I am able to do so. By “willingly and dutifully” I mean: I want to
do so but I also have the duty to do so because it was my choice to have them, not their choice to be
here.
It was a pleasure to meet you and I would like to thank you for making me think about these matters
again by asking your question about having children. I hope to see you again next time you come to visit
A... and perhaps welcome you to the place we refer to as “home” these days. Have a safe trip back to
Paris!
Sincere regards,
Tinkeljander"
...en om een-of-ander rede herinner dit my aan:
